So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
