Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
