fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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