we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
