I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
