May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize