This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
