Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
