HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
