so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
