my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
