Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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