I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize