He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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