I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize