p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
