While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
