you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Holy sore nipples Batman
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
