I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
