If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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