This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
