tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
