It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
