I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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