Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
