You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
