Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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