Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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