**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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