...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
