i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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