I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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