Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize
