Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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