Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
