your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
