I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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