What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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