Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize