No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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