...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
