Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
