No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
