I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
