Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
whose parrot is this?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
