Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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