I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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