In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
