Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
