When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
