the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Michael Bay diarrhea
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
