you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I'm passing your future prison.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
you will always have a special place in my vag
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
