i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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