I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
