we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
