I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
