all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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