I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
