those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
