reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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