i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
