Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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