dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
