You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
