remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize