I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Randomize
