I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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