when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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