I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
