I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
